I'm VERY surprised at my exam results - I did so well on the psych exam! And media! I really wasn't expecting either of those results lol. I guess I was too harsh when marking my own pysch prac exams, I never got over 70-80. Also during the media exam I just made up a random date I thought the Tiannenman Square massacre could've happened. I literally spread misinformation... It was like the only case study I didn't revise that morning b ruh I was so pissed when I read the question I knew it'd be a great example for.

Well I didn't get the atar for the graduate degree package I wanted and I'm very unsatisfied but I think I'm okay with that. At first I thought I was happy with the score I got but I've realised I'm actually not okay with not being the best and the centre of attention. I'm very jealous of all the students who got subject awards and stuff - I stayed up all night crying and ended up getting 3 hrs sleep lol. While I'm not okay with my atar I am okay with being a jealous, unsatisfied bitter bitch. I'm really happy for everyone who did well and I'm glad I didn't get any awards - I wasn't trying hard enough. At the start of the year I had NO plans to lock in - I only did by exam season - So hard I caught a stress cold between english and psych! And I studied so hard the day before the media one to the point I had to stop because I literally couldn't think any more thoughts. I also cried a lot realising how much my english meant to me this year. She's positively 'Annesane' if you will. It felt like she genuinely believed I could do better anytime I did anything. I feel like after this year I no longer, as Olli SYked says in "N/A", 'Leave a key under the mat for the wolves'. I can't imagine not doing only everything productive to my fullest capability and I only feel. Motivated? Inspired? Like angry and impatient but /pos, to only do better at literally everything moving forward. I remember during the first SAC she was reading my work for feedback and literally just crossed out my entire first paragraph because there was no reason for it being there when everything else was so much better. Yesterday morning I went and did more chalk because I really do hate not being the centre of attention. On the bus back home I started writing my thankyou text to er in my notes app but had to stop after 1 minute bc i started crying, and then cried again when I got home and finished writing it - But I've sent it and haven't cried since!

Change of preference just closed for the first round of offers and I only recently realised that I can do the exact same pathway of BOA PsychMaj --> master of secondary education at melbuni without the graduate package and it was hard deciding between a double degree of the same thing at monash or just doing the two seperate degrees with an extra year of total study + most likely more fees... I ended up doing that second one higher up on my preferences... My only worry is that secondary education is a much more recent decision and if I wait all that time to start studying it I'll have made a different decision by then. Afterall, 3 years ago my primary motives for psychology were clinical and therapeutical, but now I'm far more interested in reasearch and critical theory analysis and development. I've also been offered a scholarship at MelbUni and people who accept it are reffered to as 'narrm scholars' and I think thats funny as fuck bc it sounds like something you'd call folks from the academia in genshin. Look okay I have a lot of genshin brain rot rn.