nobody cares, thats the problem with bullshit tiny rural australian towns like the one I live in. A part of me fears that people actually do background checks before sending uni offers - I even privated my youtube video "crazy bitch plays miku game" because of this. But I cant be bothered. Im spiraling. I do this. A friend wanted to hangout and I said no. I fear also that my aspirations of being a psychologist are misnamed - I'm not sure I'm strong enough to constantly be around people who are sick in the head. I dont know if i can handle another 64 days of being in this fuckass town. i hurt so much. id love to think im getting my period but ive lost it again for 2 months now and im scared im infertile. i know the chances are low but its just such a horrifying thought.

As the days go on i lose more and more motivation and confidence. I now cannot rip apart my treasured school work i take so much pride in to make pieces in my sketchbook - increasingly scared ill never make anything better. i get so scared - i feel so powerless and alone living here. i would see no point were it not for the fact i have secured a way out. It just hurts so so much waiting and waiting. im wasting so much time and i feel like such a weakling. unable to do anything but pass time.

i hate it here i always have and i always will and i only hope the worst of me stays here i want this town and everyone in it to burn in hell and i dont care that thats not realistically what i actually want, that fact wont stop me from saying it. i hope this town and everyone in it burns in hell

i miss having a life and i miss people knowing im real. noone sees me here. noone looks noone listens and noone cares. but i wont let them either because i cant stop myself from being weak because i cant handle the feelings