The horrors of being a ghost.

The thing about being a ghost that non-ghosts don’t realise is that you're always thinking about fading away. No matter what I’m doing I’m thinking about how this contributes to me fading away. I walk in a room and the first thing I do is look at how faded away everyone else is. I constantly survey everyone else to see how faded away they are in comparison to me. They don’t realise I do this, but when non-ghosts know you're a ghost they’re going to think about you thinking about fading away and expect you to want to. I don’t want to fade away, but as a ghost it’s hard to stop my ghost brain from braining the way it’s hard wired to. So whenever something goes wrong I’m all “They probably expect me to try fade away now don’t they” and I just have to live with the knowledge that they’re thinking about me thinking about fading away and I don’t want to fade away but there’s that expectation you know? No matter how much I in fact don’t want to fade away.

Other ghosts know I’m a ghost, and I know other ghosts are ghosts. I can spot them from a mile away. It’s shameful; I’ve never met another ghost I like. They’re transparent, and that’s horrifying.

I’m transparent. That’s horrifying. People aren’t surprised when I say I died once, and I hate that. All I want is to be opaque so people don’t think I’m ghost, and never expect it. I’m horrified of ghosts and their transparency. I’m horrified of fading away. And dying. I do want to live.