I haven't been online much this year. I wanted to be- I do enjoy it. But going to school was surprisingly exhausting lol. Not bad though. I feel fulfilled. This was my last year and it turns out I actually really like studying and learning. As stupid as school - especially VCE - is, I was lucky enough to be surrounded by people that made this fucked up system worth it. I'm hoping for an ATAR of - no joke - 95! Can I get it? Yeah. I calculated it. Will I get it? No clue LOL. Everyone I've told has been surprisingly understanding and supportive. It's as if they don't also see this as an incredibly unrealistic goal and somehow I say it with enough confidence they think I'm capable of it. But in all honesty, I'm not sure I did well enough to get a 95 ATAR. For clarification I only actually need an ATAR of 88, as SEAS will account for the fact I live in the middle of nowhere and my mum's on centrelink benefits and gimme a massive boost.
But still, I'm just surprised people take me seriously when I say that's my goal. I have tried my hardest though so no matter what ATAR I get I won't feel any regret. I literally got a cold between the english and psychology exams from stress LOL. To me, failure is just another realistic part of life, so I accept that possibility. Furthermore, I understand that the only part that matters is what I do afterwards, so I have no shame in admitting this. I put so much time into studying I was kinda embarassed - worried this obsession of mine had taken over all my real personality - made me less 'Ivy'. I have a bit of a history of being obsessed with things to an unhealthy point and letting it change me for the worst. Last time, I didn't draw or make any sort of art for like. A year. But this time, I'm confident this obsession was healthy and fulfilling. I've started repurposing all my practice work and exams into pages in my sketchbook.
